


And I Keep Running into Strangers that Say I Know You

by screaminghere



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Blasphemy, I’m still working on this I promise, M/M, Rating May Change, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 17:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15645171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screaminghere/pseuds/screaminghere
Summary: Demons are lustful creatures.





	And I Keep Running into Strangers that Say I Know You

When Shane meets Ryan for the first time, every instinct tells him to run in the other direction and never look back. Then Ryan makes a stupid joke about his favorite basketball team and Shane stays right where he is.

-

The Secret Society of the Illuminati, that’s seriously what they’re calling their first episode. Well, Shane’s first episode, Ryan’s second. It’s Shane’s first episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural and he’s going to learn about the Illuminati.

Demons are lustful creatures, they crave chaos, destruction, madness, and they’ll use any means necessary to get it. They exist purely to torment, to live their lives cackling in the shadows, they exist for no reason. They bore easily when there is no excitement, no fear, no virility, no hate, yet Shane is intrigued at Ryan’s every fun-fact, at his heart beat speeding up when he says something particularly compelling, at the shine of his teeth under the studio lights, the love in his eyes. Shane finds himself content in joining Buzzfeed Unsolved. 

But, there’s something strange, a feeling, a constant push from Ryan; it keeps Shane from standing too close to him, from ever reaching him, as though his own innocence is his shield, as if Shane’s own wickedness is his enemy. It only makes Shane want to get through to him more, to break through whatever barrier keeps them apart, to breach and corrupt and take as his own. Ryan doesn’t seem to sense this, he leans into Shane while he’s laughing and it breaches the wall between them like the Trojan Horse, which means that Shane is Troy and Ryan is the Archaeans. It also means that Shane is on the losing side of this battle.

A silly subject, a fleeting look, a spike of fear yet a flood of interest, wonder, excitement, as Ryan describes disappearances and inhuman things. 

Shane can feel the uncertainty, the danger surrounding him; he’s hooked. It’s as though he’s been baptized, allowed to bask in the promise of everlasting life.

-

“You did good!”

Shane blinks once, then twice, not quite registering that Ryan is praising him. Ryan tries again.

“The viewers are gonna love you, you’ll counterbalance my annoying naivety.” Ryan huffs a laugh at himself.

It finally gets through to Shane, who smiles, scratches the back of his head, keeps his eyes on the floorboards. “Thanks, Ryan.”

“Of course, man, it’s only the truth.” Ryan turns to tidy up folders that are strewn about. “See you tomorrow.”

-

3 Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons is the name of their next episode, technically the third in the season. 

Before anything, Ryan insists that they meet a priest, Father Thomas. He shakes their hands when they meet and as he does, he pulls each of them closer to himself, looks in each of their eyes as though he can see through their skin, to their bones. He holds Shane’s hand for a moment too long, not enough for it to be uncomfortable, but enough for Shane to get the message, the suspicion, but he does the exact same to Ryan, so he’s obviously made of shit. Shane smiles at him, shows his teeth.

Father Thomas sits them down in the pews of his church and Ryan asks some questions. Only one in particular manages to get on Shane’s nerves, rather, only one of Father Thomas’ answers manages to get on Shane’s nerves.

“What is the difference between demons and ghosts?”

Father Thomas answers with something about how demons are “angelic creatures” and how they’ve “rebelled against God” and that ever since doing so they’ve been dying. Shane doesn’t remember a God, but he knows that if there ever was one, it’s dead. Also, Shane, as far as he knows, isn’t dying, in fact, he would say that he’s been growing stronger. 

There’s some truth to Father Thomas’ words. A crucifix can make Shane flinch, though he’s not sure why, holy water can leave a burn, though he doesn’t know how, and salt repels demons like Shane like a major shareholder avoids their employees. But Father Thomas? The man in front of him that thinks he knows so much but truly knows so little? Shane could stare him into the ground.

“Their goal is to take as many of us to hell with them as possible.” Just like a God, Shane doesn’t remember a hell, his supposed birth place, and he knows that if there ever was one, it’s destroyed, abandoned.

As far as Shane knows, demons are sentient and ghosts are echoes, that’s the real difference. Who the fuck knows where demons came from? Who the fuck cares? Shane’s perfectly fine being homeless, needless, purposeless.

-

On the car ride to their first investigative location, Ryan whispers to himself every once in a while, low enough that a regular person wouldn’t be able to hear it, but Shane sure can.

Continuously, Ryan repeats the words of Father Thomas, “Do not be afraid.” 

It’s futile, almost childlike in how unsophisticated it is, but Shane could almost recognize it as endearing.

-

The Winchester House is their first destination and it’s delightful to see Ryan so scared, so freaked out and reliant on Shane, on having his friend there next to him, almost too afraid to be in a room by himself. It makes a feeling in Shane’s chest grow, like a rumbling, a chuckle, a growing laugh that’s only a little diabolical. How ironic, that Ryan would hide from the ghouls in the shadows using Shane, one of the very things that he’s trying to get away from. At every jump he moves closer to Shane, so Shane moves closer to him.

Ryan introduces Sarah Winchester and tells her story, tells about how she went mad at the death of her family and constructed a mansion that had no sense to it, no reason behind it, how she thought that if she ever stopped building the evil spirits would catch her. Shane thinks that he may have many things in common with the Winchester House.

The night isn’t very interesting. The house is empty and the lady that built it was crazy, senile, demented, nothing more, nothing less. But, there’s a moment, a solitary stop in time, when Ryan leans over a ledge, out of the door that leads to a second story drop, where Shane freezes over. Ryan is a vulnerable guy, he wears his emotions on his every word and lets his opinions be known, speaks his mind, doesn’t hold his tongue, but never before this moment has he leaned over something that could kill him (with Shane right behind him). Shane could push him, just a give him a little shove that could send Ryan toppling to his complete and final demise and Ryan knows this, but trusts him. Shane could push him, see if he falls, see if he flies. He doesn’t. (Which isn’t very demon-like.)

Shane gets to scare Ryan in the basement, which is definitely a highlight. Ryan calls him a dick and laughs.

-

They go out to a bar that night with some of the crew, just to eat some food and relax, not to get smashed, but anxiety hangs off of Ryan like the plague, sticks to Shane’s skin like the humidity in the air. Shane encourages Ryan to have a few drinks, and has a few himself, allows his human metabolism to fuck him up a little bit. 

Ryan’s tipsy, and the man that’s talking to him, flirting with him, is also tipsy. There’s a tipsy man flirting with tipsy Ryan and it looks like tipsy Ryan doesn’t have a clue of what to do when it comes to such a thing. So, Shane interrupts, (because he does have a clue of what to do when it comes to such a thing) sends a couple grins and smooth remarks towards the man, then excuses himself, winks at him before he leaves. Shane knows that he’ll follow. He does. (Which is very human-like.)

Demons are lustful creatures.

When Shane comes back to Ryan, Ryan smiles with his eyes a little too faraway for Shane’s liking, then complains that his feet hurt and relays in a voice that could be described as whiny that he wants to go to bed. Shane obliges, tells the crew that they’re tired and that they’re heading to their hotel room, and then they do just that. 

Shane has to remind Ryan to take off his shoes before getting in his bed, Ryan closes his eyes, says “thanks” and some other words that Shane doesn’t think he remembers, and they both go to bed. 

-

Their next stop is the Island of Dolls, and again, Shane can relish in Ryan’s jumpiness, his fear, like something sweet, like a fucking drug to Shane. Saying that he’s addicted would be cliché, but perhaps some people become addicted to nicotine after only one or two cigarettes. Does that make Shane a chainsmoker? 

It’s creepy, the island, even Shane has to admit that he’s not too keen on being surrounded by dolls that look as though they’ve been staring, strung up for years. Just to spook Ryan a bit more, Shane wills a spider to crawl from a doll. 

Shane can almost feel the trembling in Ryan’s hands as if it were his own. 

Pepe, the other Buzzfeed member that they traveled with to the island, is incredibly funny. Ryan’s fear is relatively low because of Pepe’s constant one-liners and unexpected disrespect towards what’s considered to be a very spiritually-active island. With every laugh that comes from Ryan, Shane finds that he wants to hear more. 

It starts to get dark and they’re forced to rush back to the boat in order to avoid getting too many arachnids tangled-up in their hair. It’s a relatively short trip.

-

Ryan drags Shane out to a bar in Mexico City that night, even though neither of them speak a lick of Spanish. It’s fine because most liquor is called the same thing in English or Spanish.

They get drunk off their asses because they take way too many tequila shots than what could be considered “responsible”. Shane can feel his mouth burning with each slice of lime that he sucks on, but Ryan’s skin feels a little warmer as he takes Shane’s hand and makes them dance together. Shane moves a little awkwardly just to keep seeing Ryan’s smile, to keep hearing his laugh and little insults. He positively giggles as Shane spins him around, resting against his chest for a moment before moving away again.

There’s a woman across the floor that moves in time with the music, like she feels every beat in her bones, like she can reflect every lyric with her eyes. She catches Shane’s glance and smiles while looking to her feet, bashful, yet still moving gracefully. Ryan says that he’s tired and goes to sit at the bar. Shane gestures to the woman, cocks his head in a direction that happens to be where a storage room is. She follows as he leads; demons are lustful creatures.

Shane has her against the wall, this Mary Magdalene of his, and there’s tongue and teeth and this woman is giving everything, not holding back, stripping out of her clothes and trying to get Shane out of his. Shane thinks that it’s hot, which makes him think about the cold, which makes him think about Ryan, who’s alone at the bar right now, perhaps wondering where Shane is but more than likely knowing exactly where Shane is. It makes something awful and unforeseeable settle in Shane’s lungs. (Judas was never fond of Mary.)

The woman kisses Shane again and Shane very possibly says Ryan’s name out loud then leaves with a pathetic “sorry”.

What is emotion? Just a chemical in the brain? Just stares and full-faced smiles? Shane will never know. Sure, Ryan’s skin is warmer, but what does it matter? What chemical does it elicit in Shane’s brain and how is he supposed to recognize such a reaction as any singular feeling? 

Shane can almost put his finger on it, this emotion, it’s at the tip of his tongue, but it dies away as he sits down and Ryan smiles, orders another round of shots. As Shane dreads having to lick more salt with an already irritated tongue, he has never felt more grounded in the present, more trapped in his human body. 

-

Lastly, they visit the Sallie House. Before they enter, Ryan relays that he’s not particularly comfortable, and there’s something in his alarm, something in his pure terror, that tastes bitter, a stark contrast to his sugary laugh, his vibrant smile. It’s soap in Shane’s senses, which isn’t right, isn’t something that’s happened before, isn’t something that he understands and oh God does Shane hate not understanding things.

Shane goes through the door first, Ryan following behind. Ryan says that he feels an energy and Shane stares at the little girl that sits just to the left of them. She tilts her head, then she’s gone. Ryan is shaken, and there’s something cold coming from him, something defensive that reaches out, an aura, and still, he stands closer to Shane, oblivious, only wishing for the reassurance of someone who cares about him. When Ryan backs away, Shane feels freezer-burnt. 

Ryan explains the history behind the house, and Shane can hear his heart rate increase, his very breath grow faster, as he talks about a woman that woke to a grotesque figure in her bed, a dead body. Something in his voice breaks or crack and Shane reaches out his hand, not on purpose and not for any reason that he can think of, only that Ryan’s upset and Shane needs to do something. He brings it back to himself as he realizes what he’s doing and is left making some strange gesture. Ryan’s breath catching in his throat, the sound of his voice cutting off with a pitiful noise, has some seriously strange effects.

A paranormal investigator, someone much more qualified than Ryan or Shane for this job, introduces them to the flashlight trick. Shane dares Sallie to turn it on, tells her to turn it on if she doesn’t like them there. The little girl appears, just in front of Shane, next to the flashlight yet barely tall enough to reach it on the counter, she tilts her head, again, it seems to be her signature.

“I don’t think they have the power.” Shane says it right to her face with an ugly sneer.

The girl changes violently, she’s no longer sweet or childlike, she’s an amalgamation, a pile of human parts that scream out unintelligible threats. The light turns on, Ryan screams, so does the investigator, Shane laughs.

Ryan takes it more seriously than Shane anticipated, there’s that same something, something too powerful for his meek stature and lithe body, something seeping out from him as he paces the living room, something icy cold and jarring and very not-human. He mutters “do not be afraid” over and over until the cold fades, the temperature of the room returns to normal, and Shane’s left wondering what the hell type of person is Ryan, Shane’s left wondering why he’s drawn to something, rather, someone, so unpredictable. 

When they go to the basement, Shane makes a show of lying on the pentagram and asking the girl to eat his heart. She’s gone, of course, sulking like a moody teenager at Shane’s criticism. Sallie is a young thing, both in physical form and in spirit, it seems like she isn’t sure what to do with herself, how to gain energy, how to possess, how to even leave the house she inhabits. So, Shane gets bold.

“We’re a package deal.” Him and his old buddy Ryan. 

Ryan laughs, calls him crazy, it stops the distress buzzing in his mind for a little while, and there’s something saccharine in his smile, something sweeter than his fear, something so new and so curious that Shane simply has to find out more.

The sun falls and the time comes for crawling into musty sleeping bags that have been stored in the back of closets for years, and Shane knows that he could sleep and let his body rest without the smallest concern over the weak demon in this house, however, Sallie may attempt to mess with Ryan, and Ryan could not compete with a demon, no matter how small and pesky and annoying it is. It keeps Shane awake, for some reason, maybe he doesn’t want Ryan to die, which is startlingly different from his usual apathy. At least, he assumes, the feeling is mutual. 

“I’m getting closer to you, I don’t care.” Ryan sounds inexplicably small. Shane only laughs in response.

Ryan is freezing when he presses into Shane’s smoldering side, ice meeting flame, he feels himself engulfed in it, like stepping into a fridge, like he’s in a snowstorm, a feeling of protection, the multitude of snowflakes concealing him (but also threatening to bury him). Again, there’s something in Shane’s gut that tells him that he needs to move away, that he shouldn’t be touching this man. It takes everything that Shane has in him, every ounce of willpower to not overly defy himself, to not give in to his disturbingly self-destructive nature and put an arm around Ryan’s waist. (How would Ryan react? Does Shane care how Ryan would react?) He settles for the subtle feeling of being in the wrong (and maybe moving the slightest bit closer).

Sallie appears at Shane’s side and Shane feels Ryan shiver. She tilts her head again, a small action that’s quickly becoming infuriating. She moves to touch Shane, for whatever reason, but as soon as her hand meets his cheek she snatches it back, as though burned, which confuses Shane, because there is no reason why his skin should burn another demon. The hypothetical snowstorm around him turns into a blizzard and strangely, Shane has never felt more safe. Her face contorts into a mix between Shane’s wildest imaginings of a dragon and a buffalo, a savage hiss comes from her extremely wide mouth. Ryan gets up at that very moment and Sallie looks at him, at Ryan, as though he were holding a gun to her head, as if he were a living bomb that’s ticking down, she disappears again. Shane hears the word “seraph” growled from the air around him and isn’t sure what it means.

Ryan’s the only human Shane’s known to make a demon afraid. He wonders what that should make him feel, but more than anything he’s impressed. 

Ryan says that he can’t stay in the house any longer and Shane teases him, just to see him squirm; he so loves watching Ryan squirm. They end up leaving and Sallie watches from the living room window as they depart, she looks relieved. The dread in Shane’s stomach about the shaking man next to him has no viable receipt.

-

A motel takes them in afterwards and Ryan looks so discomposed, so terrified at the idea of a demon following him, that Shane almost offers to sleep in the same bed, if only to quiet Ryan’s mess of a brain. Shane gets around to thinking that he’s a pretty shit demon, what with letting all of these unknown emotions control his actions and obscure his judgement.

Still, Ryan sleeps on the edge of his twin mattress, sweat on his face and terrors in his head, and Shane feels that he has to do something. Shane remembers the love in Ryan’s eyes, the reason that he stuck around for all of this, the reason why he shouldn’t push his boundaries no matter how tempting, and keeps his mouth shut as Ryan shudders in his dreams.

Shane doesn’t sleep, that night. (But maybe he still has a few dreams.)

-

The Chilling Exorcism of Anneliese Michel is their fourth episode. Shane can’t take any of it seriously, because how completely pathetic does a demon have to be to even respond to an exorcism, to let a little child ever retake possession of their body while it’s inhabited? It’s very rare that demons are noticed, and when they are, it’s even rarer that demons are successfully exorcised, only the weakest can be dragged out of their host. There are steps that can be taken to prevent demon possession, but once someone is possessed, it’s basically over for them, like any terminal or chronic human disease, like any hopeless wish or far-fetched prayer. (Unless of course, the demon leaves of its own volition.)

Ryan, though, he’s intrigued, so Shane listens to everything he says, definitely not because he wants Ryan to be happy (definitely not), but because he needs Ryan to trust him (yes, that’s it), and (and…) because something happens, something starts, something grows inside of Shane when Ryan lights up. Shane makes some joke about how stupid it is that the girl says that she’s possessed by Hitler and Ryan laughs, smiles at him like he’s the world’s greatest comedian, like he enjoys having Shane by his side, and Shane feels his too-human heart beat faster, feels cold water injected into his arm, where he should only have hot blood, his too-demonic blood. 

Maybe Shane does want Ryan to be happy? If nothing else, it feels like an honor to be his friend. Another anomaly; it feels like striking a match and watching it burn out, watching a forest fire and knowing that it will destroy everything in its path, like watching the blood drain from something dying and realizing that it’s too late. Shane’s always been a bit too drawn to things that burn or die; humans are a good example of both.

-

Ryan asks if Shane wants to go get a bite to eat after they’ve finished recording. Shane, like a fool, says that he would love to. 

Ryan only orders some fries, but he eats them as though his life depends upon it. He talks, mostly, about his younger siblings, and his older siblings, and his parents that are a little overbearing but mean well, and his insecurities in who he is as a person, and how he doesn’t think that he could see himself doing anything else than what he’s doing right now, here, with his show, their show, but he’s okay with that. Shane’s content to listen.

Ryan quiets and Shane drums his fingers to the outdated pop music playing through the speakers.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“How Britney Spears still goes hard. You?”

Ryan‘s mouth curves into something happy or maybe sad. “I don’t know, just… you’re a good friend, my best friend. I love you, dude.”

Shane encounters Judas in the garden of Gethsemane, Judas being his own damn self, his own heart, his own mind, his own soul (does he have a soul?). Judas pecks him on the lips and Shane knows that this is the end of him, that his own actions have led him to this point, and yet this is how it should be.

“Love you too, Ryan.” Does he? (Can he?)

-

The Bizarre Toxic Death of Gloria Ramirez is the fifth episode. Ryan explains how a woman dies of mysterious poisoning, how nurses and doctors smell something horrible and evacuate the hospital, how many of them got sick because of it, then Ryan quickly mentions how a possible explanation is aliens and Shane absolutely loses his shit. He calms down after a second, decides to give Ryan a chance to explain.

“Okay, what’s the theory?”

“That’s it.”

Shane breaks down again and Ryan laughs along with him and Shane thinks that maybe the air’s grown thicker, thinks that maybe he doesn’t want Ryan to be afraid again, thinks that maybe he’s not addicted to Ryan’s fear, but Ryan’s laugh, which is possibly the most confounding yet solid and utterly complete feeling that Shane has ever experienced in all his years as an immortal thing, all his years which seem infinite. But Ryan, this absolute goof that believes whole-heartedly in ghosts and ghouls and things that go bump in the night and who wouldn’t hesitate to fly to Alaska or maybe even Moscow if there was an especially compelling sighting of aliens, justifies said feeling.

Shane can’t help but to stay near Ryan, to figure out what the feeling means, to find out why Ryan’s skin is so cold under his hands; it’s not in his nature to be afraid, to worry about consequences. It is in his nature to reach his hand into the fire, to see how close he can get before he burns. Or, in this case, reach his hand into the freezer, to see how close he can get before he gets frostbitten, before he loses all feeling in his frozen fingers.

-

Ryan asks him out for dinner (and maybe drinks) again, it’s maybe becoming a thing that they do and Shane is fairly certain that he likes it.

“What even is love?” Shane finally asks because he’s wanted to know for so long.

Ryan shrugs, and that isn’t much help. “It’s something you have to figure out for yourself.” Ryan’s eyes have the heavens in them, or maybe that’s the four Coronas messing up Shane’s sight. 

Shane doesn’t scan the room for anyone that would be down to mess around a little, he doesn’t really want to. The thought of a steamy encounter, hot, messy, delirious, sweaty, it turns Shane off, makes him think that he’d maybe rather have something cooler.

Ryan stands up to order another round of beers and Shane watches him move, watches his shoulders rise and fall, tense up, relax; demons are lustful creatures. Ryan catches his stare, and he fucking winks.

-

The Spirits of the Whaley House is the next episode, the sixth episode.

“You do the honors.”

Shane opens the door slowly, tauntingly. “After you.”

Ryan looks at him indignantly. “No, you go first.”

Shane rolls his eyes. “Okay.” He walks in.

Ryan explains the history behind the house and Shane doesn’t have to pretend to be interested because there’s a silhouette of a woman in the corner of the parlor who’s crying into her hands and that’s plenty interesting by itself. Shane listens to her story and perhaps he’d feel bad for her if he were mentally capable of doing so, but he’s seen way worse for way too long, her suicide like a stroll through a garden in comparison. 

Her name is Violet Whaley, and she ended her life over her failed marriage, so of course Ryan, idiot Ryan that has no sense of self-preservation, wants to go into her room for an EVP session, but he clams up once they’re there, says that he’d rather not talk because he’s scared of Violet and Shane can feel it fogging up the room, Ryan’s fear. It should be tantalizing to a demon, but now, Shane isn’t sure if he likes the wide-eyed look on Ryan’s face or the sharp breaths he takes at every little noise. Violet appears, once again, in the corner of the room, but now her face is showing. She has a beautiful complexion, if not gauntly and dead, stained with tears. She’s looking directly at Ryan. Shane blinks and she’s gone.

They leave for the courtroom and Ryan sits in the back, where the supposed “spiritual vortex” is, the one that’s known for its activity by other, more professional ghost hunters. A few minutes pass and Shane pokes little jeers at Ryan, makes him fluster at the lack of paranormal action for a bit, then Violet appears again, sitting in the chair left of Ryan, looking at him. On the other side of Ryan, another unnamed woman appears, also just looking at him. Violet’s hand reaches up, towards Shane; Shane’s flashlight goes out. The other woman reaches towards Ryan. As her hand makes contact with his face, Ryan says that he feels weird and that makes Shane also start to feel weird, uneasy, which is a rare emotion for a demon to feel, but he finds that he doesn’t really like the ghosts touching Ryan. The humor drains from his lungs.

Shane glares at the woman to Ryan’s right, dares her to look back. She seems to get the hint and backs away, flickering and silent like an old film. Still, she stays close, gazing. Ryan says that he just got a chill down his spine and because he needs reassurance, Shane finds his laugh. 

Shane sits in the chair next, and as soon as he does Violet and the woman leave. They reappear near Ryan.

The two ghosts follow Ryan as he and Shane go upstairs, not gliding, but appearing everywhere they go, always just out of sight, always just in the corner of Shane’s eyes. There’s a man upstairs that is most likely Thomas Whaley, despite him not having the tobacco pipe that he’s said to carry. He’s sitting with what Shane assumes to be his wife, Anna Whaley. When Ryan enters the room, the couple look as though they’ve met the messiah.

The spirits edge around Shane, keeping their distance as one would with a fire. Is that what he is? A fire? Is he really that image of a red-skinned devil with horns, sharp teeth, a pointed tail, and leathery wings? Ryan brushes against his side and says something about how damn creepy the room is, and it’s a solid reminder of how little he knows about Shane, about the person he considers his close friend. Yet, it’s reassuring; Ryan doesn’t treat him as though he’s dangerous, and somehow, in some strange way that goes against everything that should be in the nature of a demon, Shane appreciates that. 

Ryan and Shane return downstairs; there’s now an entourage of four spirits following them, well, not them, because they’re not following Shane, just Ryan; they keep a wide berth around Shane. There’s a certain light to Ryan, a soft and welcoming siren’s song except there’s no threat at the end, only love and innocence and acceptance. Shane doubts that even the ghosts know why they’re pulled to Ryan, but that same pull acts as a push to Shane. It makes Shane all the more curious because in all of his time he’s only known of one creature that has that affect, and he’s having trouble believing in that creature ever fitting into a human form. Looking at his own face reflected in Ryan’s eyes, he thinks that maybe he should believe it.

When they go outside to visit the infamous “Yankee Jim”, the spirits don’t follow, they watch at a window as if they’re afraid to go outside, which leaves Shane to be ever more suspicious of the man with red-rimmed eyes standing right next to Ryan.

Ryan explains how he was hanged for stealing a boat, but that he didn’t even successfully steal the boat. Thomas Whaley was present at his hanging, at this very location, and yet he still bought the land. 

“You know, if I were him, I would haunt this place.”

Yankee Jim stands stock still and just when Shane thinks that he might be forced to intervene, he sharply salutes Ryan, looks directly at Shane with an empty stare, and leaves. Shane and Ryan go back to the parlor, the exact spot where Jim met his demise, but he doesn’t follow them, and neither do any of the other wandering souls. The silence doesn’t bode well. 

They do separate five-minute sessions in the parlor, which goes fine for Shane, obviously, but now Ryan is going to be in there for five minutes. Ryan is going to be in the parlor, at the mercy of at least five ghosts, for five minutes, alone. Shane feels something in him shift uncomfortably, like he should be making sure that Ryan can’t go off on his own, he suppresses it, pushes the feeling down, something he hasn’t had to do practically ever (so he’s not very good at it).

Shane talks throughout it, just making little quips that seem like they’re to make the show more interesting, but it’s really to keep himself from busting down the door, which feels so foreign, the act of restraining himself. Then Shane zeroes in, he can feel that there’s a ghost in the room, can see the energy in the room forming around a person that isn’t really there, not anymore. It says something, loud and clear to Shane, but only a muffled whisper to Ryan.

“Fiend.” It’s a warning, he knows what Shane is.

Ryan jumps up with a scream and Shane recognizes that it’s the end of the recording session. When Shane goes in to check on him, Ryan is panicked, but is easily calmed by the presence of another person. Shane considers putting an arm around his waist or maybe just laying a kiss right on him, to show off to this fucking “Yankee Jim” that yes, he is a demon, and yes, Ryan is (his) with him.

Still, Shane can’t stop the frost creeping over at his heart, the reminder of what he is dragging claws over his head; strange that it’s never bothered him until now. (The frost melts as Ryan falls asleep on his shoulder during the ride home.) He gets it right then, as he feels each beat of Ryan’s heart, each inhale and exhale of his lungs, he gets that he’s well and truly fucked, gets what Ryan meant when he said that “It’s something you have to figure out for yourself.”

-

Their next episode, the last of the season, is The Haunted Decks of the Queen Mary. There are ghosts crowding the halls, behaving as if they were still on a bustling, lively ship. Ryan simply walks through them without trouble, but for Shane they hastily part way.

Above deck they meet the captain of the ship. He has a strange way about him, a strange voice, a strange smile, a strange attitude, and he gives off the same sweltering heat that Shane gives off. His body is deteriorating, old, a vessel with no stamina, no life left in it. The captain eyes Ryan like a midnight snack. 

Shane steps closer to Ryan and meets the captain’s eyes, the word “mine” echoes through Shane’s head and it’s defensive, possessive, zealous, ardent. It startles Shane in a way that he’s never encountered until he met Ryan, but a hot, tight feeling has found its way into his chest and he doesn’t think that it’s going to leave. The thought of a demon invading Ryan, turning him into something that he’s not and using his body for whatever heinous activities the demon decides to participate in, makes that hot, tight feeling grow.

Ryan asks the captain about their room, apparently the most haunted on board. 

“You’re in for a real experience tonight.” Is what the captain responds, his bared teeth showing in a grimace, Shane’s almost surprised that he doesn’t have fangs. Shane fights the compulsion to throw an arm over Ryan’s shoulders, fights the compulsion to throw the captain overboard or maybe expose him for what he really is. He doesn’t.

Ryan’s been here before, he says, when he was younger, just a dumb teenager. Shane tries to imagine it, to imagine anything but the man beside him. Ryan explains his first encounters with spirits and as he does so, many gather around him, even some children, who are sitting at his feet as though he were telling a fairytale. None have tried to touch Ryan, so Shane leaves them be (wonders when he became Ryan’s protector), but many of the adults look at Ryan with a strange desperation, as though he’s saved them, his presence a blessing; it makes Shane more sure of his diagnosis. As Ryan makes his way through the ship, the people follow. Strange, that Shane thought of people, instead of ghosts, spirits. Strange, how humanized everything has become so quickly, how humanized he’s become so quickly.

Ryan walks to the stairs that lead to the isolation ward, Shane following behind. A pigeon flies out and despite how silly it is, true fear comes from Ryan. Not for the first time, but perhaps for the strongest time, something bitter, biting, raw, comes from Ryan, forces Shane out onto the deck again, scatters the ghosts that had been hovering. It nearly confirms Shane’s conclusions, but still, how does that much power fit into a human?

“My heart almost exploded!”

“Your hard-on almost exploded?” That gets Ryan to laugh, to relax again. Shane almost hugs him on impulse and that’s not chaotic, destructive, or maddening, not anything that a demon should want to do, but nothing’s been too sensible or concrete lately.

They settle down into their filthy room, pulling out disgusting sleeping bags once again. Ryan keeps him awake until around five in the morning, or at least Shane blames himself being awake on Ryan, but Shane can’t sleep with the knowledge of the captain being a demon, with the knowledge that Ryan is indirectly in danger because of that. 

At six in the morning, Ryan finally succumbs to the exhaustion that Shane can practically feel in the air, it leaves Shane to examine his sleeping face, to attempt to figure out what Ryan is. 

At six-thirty, a cloud melts out of the dark, clearing away the ghosts that had gravitated near Ryan as he slept. It’s a demon, a mist that looks like the absence of light itself, the captain’s demon, looking for a stronger vessel. Shane doesn’t have time to react before it lunges for Ryan, all claws and teeth and blood and horrors.

There’s a deafening screech accompanied by a blinding light that Shane is almost sure has burned away all of his skin, but when he can see again, he’s unscathed, only invisible pain, invisible blisters blossoming on his body. The demon is gone, dead, Shane knows that it’s dead, he can feel it, and Ryan is still asleep, peaceful, undisturbed. Shane stares at him, at his beautiful, glowing wings that spread out over Ryan, over Shane, too, acting as a safeguard, a wall against the demon that planned to possess Ryan. Ryan’s very skin glimmers, luminescent in the dark. There’s an unbearable brightness to his face and Shane can’t physically force himself to look at it, force his shadow-ridden existence to look something holy in the eyes. 

Ryan is an angel, and Shane supposes that he’s really known that this entire time, known why so long ago, the Sallie demon said “seraph”. Ryan is an angel, so he subconsciously protected himself, and for some reason he also subconsciously protected Shane. Ryan is an angel, and even better, he has no idea that he is an angel, and his power is unknowingly suppressed. With one realization comes the next, that being that Shane is not going to be leaving Ryan’s side anytime soon, which forces yet another realization, that this can only end badly. Yet, Ryan protected him. Shane understands how the love in Ryan’s eyes got there. 

-

Ryan’s angelic form dims and at seven, he stirs, sunlight coming in through the windows. Shane can admire his face once more without the fear of losing his vision.

“Shane?” His voice is deep, gravelly.

“Mm?”

“Did you just kick me?” Ryan rubs the sleep from his eyes.

He didn’t, that was the small spirit of a child at Ryan’s side that had fallen over, tripped. “Yeah, I did, I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” Ryan exhales, relieved. He rolls over to face Shane, his eyes are closed. They’re so close. 

Shane barely extends a hand, slowly, because he’s scared, and that’s a horribly debilitating emotion that he hasn’t had the pleasure of experiencing before this moment, to hold Ryan’s face, one of the few temptations that he has absolutely needed to resist and simultaneously one of the few temptations that he has absolutely not been able to resist. He can feel Ryan’s skin attempting to freeze him out, to force Shane, a wretched thing from some cursed place, a threat, to back away, but Ryan himself sighs, moves his head so that Shane can trace his thumb over Ryan’s jaw more easily. He feels the slight bristle on Ryan’s face from not shaving for a few days.

“You’re warm.” Ryan slurs his words a bit.

“You’re cold.” 

Ryan moves closer, (he always moves closer) covers Shane’s hand with his own. “I’m always cold.” 

His eyes are still closed which is good because Shane isn’t sure what he’d do if Ryan could see him right now, floundering, completely helpless. 

“You’re an angel.” Shane doesn’t mean it in the literal sense, he means it in the way that Ryan’s eyelashes are long, in the way that Ryan sees when Shane is lost in his thoughts and makes a joke to bring him back to the present, in the way that Ryan finds out about a lost thing, any type of lost thing, and wants nothing more than to find it, in every snide remark and are-you-okay’s, in every compliment and confession.

This’ll be broken soon, this very fragile moment; Ryan will notice that it’s morning and the first thing that he’ll want to do is get out of this room, off of this boat. 

Ryan doesn’t open his eyes, just asks so innocently, “So, are you going to kiss me, or what?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“Asshole.” Ryan says it with love, so Shane kisses him.

Shane’s crucified, hung high on the cross with a crown of thorns wrapped tight around his temple, blood dripping onto his feet, onto the people looking up at his hilariously vulnerable face and laughing. 

What a fool he’s made of himself. 

Then the heavens open, and he’s saved (allowed to rest), and the sneering crowd fades, they don’t matter anymore (they never did).

Every damned existing force wants them apart, wants this level of despicable-ness to never touch something so divine, so pure, so good. Shane relishes in it, the fact that even though it’s so, so wrong, nothing could ever keep Shane away from Ryan.

Ryan’s hand finds Shane’s chest, grabbing at his t-shirt, and Shane’s hand finds Ryan’s waist, pulling him closer until he’s partially on top of Shane.

Demons are lustful creatures.

-

Later, Ryan has trouble packing up their things, as Shane’s idea of helping is attempting to kiss Ryan senseless at any and every possible opportunity.

Ryan laughs as Shane presses a kiss to his cheek. “Christ, you’re a demon; so insatiable.” 

Ryan’s eyes meet Shane’s and Ryan smiles about as bright as a fucking supernova. Shane isn’t sure how much longer he can lie.


End file.
